My quarter-life crisis & how I got through it

Today I'm 27, so I'm reflecting on all of the ups and downs of being 26, including my quarter-life crisis experience.

Pus-filled pimples, awkward limbs, broken hearts, raging emotions – it seems to be common knowledge that the teenage years can be a hard era to get through, but why does no one talk about the difficulty of the twenties? Why does no one mention the quarter-life crisis that so many mid-twenty-year-olds frequently experience as they try and navigate their way through flooded job markets, crumbling ecosystems, and a distorted notion of life via social media (to name a few roadblocks)? What Is A Quarter Life Crisis?

One year ago in the winter of 2017, shortly after my 26th birthday, I found myself in the midst of a quarter-life crisis. While at the time I did not realize that was what I was experiencing, it was horrifying nonetheless. Not horrifying in the same way one might think a middle-aged man driving a red convertible with a toupee is horrifying, but horrifying in the way that I cried, stayed in bed, and contemplated death constantly because of how depressed I was. According to Blair Decembrele from LinkedIn, a quarter life crisis describes a "period of insecurity and doubt that many people in their mid 20s to early 30s go through surrounding their career, relationships, and finances", and research suggests that these crises are becoming more and more prominent due to the enormous pressures and uncertainties twenty-somethings face in today’s unstable, changing world.

Anecdote From My Own Life:

February 28th, a snowy cold Tuesday in downtown Montreal, (the “I don’t know I’m just trying to figure my shit out” capital of Canada, which is the reason I’m here). I anxiously sit at a local coffee shop twirling my hair and glancing around the room. I see no recognizable, warm faces; everyone is glued to screens. The café is called Le Placard, and it has odd vintage items plunked throughout the space, like a mannequin with a feather boa around her neck, and an old cash register with plants growing out of it. I continually find myself pulling my eyes back to my computer screen in an attempt to stay focused. I impatiently scroll through job sites like Workopolis, looking for any employment opportunity that can pay enough to keep me here. So far I’ve thrown my reel into the job tank 29 times with no bite at all. Why is it so hard? I have a master’s degree for Christ’s sake. My stomach churns and churns and churns, my thoughts circle and circle and circle, while my phone goes buzz, buzz, buzz. I feel hazy and disorientated; I feel hollow, as though I’m floating. Depersonalization is when your mind and body feel separate, like you are a stranger in your own skin, and it’s a common symptom of anxiety. I have just recently experienced two severe anxiety-panic attacks that sent me to the emergency room of the Hôpital Notre-Dame; my anxiety is at an all-time high. What am I doing with my life? I thought that once I finished school and went off to live on my own I’d feel happy and fulfilled, so why does this feel so hard and horrible?

“Just try to enjoy yourself”, my mom tells me over the phone, “Stop worrying so much about everything. It will all work out”. “If I could stop feeling how I feel, I would,” I tell her, “but it’s not that simple. You don’t get it”. I have never felt more disconnected and uninterested in my mother’s advice than I do now; she simply doesn’t understand what I’m going through. Did she even experience a quarter-life crisis?

The Lowdown On These Crises: The reality for Millennials like me is that the world today is a vastly different playing field than it was for our parents 40 years ago. New LinkedIn research suggests that 75 percent of 25-33 year olds have experienced a quarter-life crisis thanks to a number of contributing factors like pressure to buy a home, pressure to land and maintain a successful career, pressure to maintain relationships on and offline, and so on. According to that LinkedIn survey, the number one cause of these crises is finding a job or career that will make you happy (61% of respondents agreed. This was also the primary reason for my crisis).

A quarter-life crisis will look different for everyone. I found that I was constantly questioning my purpose and worth in life, constantly comparing myself to other people my age, and constantly feeling unhappy, anxious and on edge. I wasn't sleeping normally, I couldn't find pleasure in normal everyday things, and I had a hard time staying focussed (read more about signs of a quarter-life crisis here). The way that people deal with their quarter-life crisis will look different for everyone too. Some may flee to a new city or country; some may abruptly quit their job or leave their relationship; and others may go back to school to pursue a different path. Whatever your crisis looks like, it’s worth remembering that all young adults experience some degree of doubt and insecurity, and there are tons of services available that can help you get through it. During my quarter-life crisis I quickly sought out a great therapist who I met with weekly, and I realigned my priorities and interests, which eventually sent me back to college for a one-year diploma program.

What Can You Do To Get Through It?

While at times I feel like I'm still treading through my crisis, I am definitely over the hump and in the final phases now. If you’re feeling trapped or in the middle of a quarter-life disaster, here are 7 things I did to help push me through the roughest parts:

1. Connect with a therapist. I can't say enough about this. I don't know why I waited so long to nourish my mental health, but meeting with a therapist was critical for me during this time. I learned a lot about myself and about what made me unhappy.

2. Make a goal list and a worry list. It really helped me to write down my long and short term goals so I had something to work towards, and a worry list to visually take control of my anxieties and doubts.

3. Take a break from social media and stop comparing yourself. It can become second nature to compare your accomplishments to others because of how connected our lives are via social media. I appreciated a break from social media once in a while. I.e. try a week long social media diet, and limit your daily use to under an hour.

4. Research, research, research. It's always a good thing to know what all of your options are. Research everything you want to know on your goals and what your options are. I always think the more information the better.

5. Reach out to people around you for help. Do not isolate yourself when you already feel confused and alone. Reach out and ask for support from your friends and family. They love you and want to help!

6. Start a gratitude journal. Go and buy a mini journal to carry around with you and write down 1-2 sentences each day, recapping something you were grateful for or that made you happy. This helped me to see the positives in each day.

7. Practice deep breathing, and other mindfulness activities you enjoy to divert stress, (yoga is great too). Learning how to deal with stress and negative emotions is essential to feeling happy, especially during a time of depression.

​If you're in the midst of your own quarter-life disaster, remember you are not alone, and while it may not seem true in the moment, a quarter-life crisis can be a positive opportunity to figure out what you truly want to do in order to feel happy and fulfilled. I am definitely entering my 27th year of life with more appreciative, cheerful eyes, and experiencing a quarter-life crisis played a big part in my growth.

#mentalhealth #quarterlifecrisis